You were a sweet slow dance

So long, 2015. You were a sweet slow dance of a year. You held so much beauty.

Last January, I got to begin my days watching the sun rise in Washington Heights and end the day watching the sun set over the grassy field at the end of my street in South Atlanta. I loved the cold weather - with it’s demand to wear sweaters and leggings and drink hot beverages out of favorite mugs - can you sense that I miss the cold?! You were a balm to my tattered and weathered soul. You were a beautiful, unexpected gift.  I was rooted enough in Atlanta to have friends who knew the ugly and and beautiful parts of me- and continued to choose me. My family lived close enough for me to see them often. I got to snuggle and hold babies, while I rested and healed.

2014 was a hard year - with its sharp pains and long aches. 2015 was a time for healing and restoration. I was given so many gifts - topped with a cherry of grace.

A year ago, I’m not sure I would have believed that I’d be sitting in Bangkok typing these words.

I was cared well for in 2015 - more specifically- I felt well-cared for. I was loved well - by so many. I was able to have a job that I loved caring, for kids I love. I was given safe homes to be in when I needed respite, and so much delight and laughter.  You held so many dreams, 2015. Thank you. 

Living in Bangkok and working for CLF is a dream come true - really - it was an ache in my soul for so long - I forgot that it was there. I am so grateful to be here. It's been messy - but the best parts of a life lived well are messy and full. I’ve been so well supported by friends here who are now family and friends and family in the States. 

In Bangkok, there’s so much pain. The city aches with it. You can see it all over - people searching through garbage piles for food and clothing or something to sale, ladies putting on makeup outside of massage parlors waiting for customers - people cruising the red light areas looking for something - searching for something that can’t be found there. We all long for intimacy - if just looks different than what we think it should look like. 

 It’s all so much - and that doesn't even scratch the surface of the tension and dissonance - in the world. There’s just a lot to hold. 

I'll hold hope for you, 2016. May you be full of radical restoration and peace. May you hold gifts and invitations that move us - that make us see one another as fellow humans along this journey. As Mama T says, may we be reminded that we belong to one another.

A little less sweaty, but still grateful, 

EM

The First

Hello Friends. I wrote these words a few weeks ago. They're about my first week in Bangkok. Enjoy. 

I landed in Bangkok at 10:30 pm on October 1st - a Thursday. Molly (a Creative Life Foundation teacher - and Karoke enthusiast)  met me at the airport, and we took a taxi to Suan Phul market - where I stayed for the week. 

Bangkok has a distinct smell - like all I places, I guess - t’s just easier to detect it when it’s not your normal or familiar - food, grease, spice, flora, a hint of garbage, incense, and exhaust fumes.

It’s rainy season in Bangkok - and the water splashed my big blue duffle bag as the wheels rolled through the puddles in the tiny ally to my room. We carried my bags up the concert steps of the building while trying to be as quite as possible. Sweat was stinging my eyes and my glasses were fogged. 

I walked into room 3 and was greeted by four wooden walls, a mattress pad, and a fan - which was welcomed with my most ardent hallelujah. Jodi (CLF intern and expert backpacker) and Molly had left some snacks and water by my bed. As Molly left, I unpacked my grey and green leafed sheets and put them on the mattress. I rummaged around my 2 bags for my shower supplies, towel, and pajamas-locked my room door, and walked back down the wet steps to the concert walled bathroom -with it’s squatty potty and shower head. I was grateful for the shower after the 30 hours of travel. I gave jet lag the stink eye - and slept for 8 and half hours that first night. 

I was awoken by a knock at the door - Jodi had come bearing donuts and pineapple! We met Jodi’s landlord - Tukta- a lively food shop owner, and set off to find bubble tea for her and coffee for me. After going through the orientation packet, I was left to explore Bangkok on my own. With 50 bhat ($1.30 ish) to spend on transportation and food for the day, I ventured to a food market for some pork-on-a-stick and sticky rice - it was raining again. I should have brought a rain jacket or umbrella with me from the States -  but instead I brought 3 candles that smell like fall #priorities. 

I got on the free bus that I was 73% sure would get me back to my room. While on the bus, I forgot the name of my neighborhood, but my seat mate came to my rescue and helped me navigate my way home. Next time you happen to sit by a befuddled, sweaty stranger who can’t speak your language and who can’t remember where they live, try to help them find their way.

When I left my room to get dinner, I ran into Tukta - who gave me food from her shop (for free) and had me sit at her table while she worked. I met Tukta’s daughter, Ming -  a university student who speaks English. It was such a unexpected gift to eat dinner with a family and get to speak to someone in my first language.  

During my first month in Thailand, I’m participating in a “technology fast” - and yes, I typed this on my own computer while using electricity - I see you smarty pants.  Basically, I’m limited in my use of technology for pleasure - so I can’t listen to music while I’m alone or binge watch Parks and Recreation. In everyday life, I’m often witnessed talking and singing to myself. The technology fast has only exacerbated this vocal expression. I was singing Here Comes the Sun by the Beatles during my first full day in the city, then the next day - I saw a man with a shirt that said “ Here Comes the Sun”!!! Amazing. Don’t worry, I narrowly refrained from hugging this stranger. 

Saturday morning, Tukta brought me breakfast - a ham and cheese sandwich and iced oveltine from 7-11. So far that’s 2 meals in approximately 12 hours that Tukta’s given me - 8 of which I was sleeping. 

After breakfast, I went with Molly to a church in southern Bangkok to teach English to grade school kids. We took a bus, a train, another bus, a boat, and then walked 15 minutes to get to the church.I watched Molly teach, and then during craft time - the kids helped me with my Thai.  There eagerness to teach me was so beautiful. After work, Molly bought me a coke from 7-11. I’m from Georgia, so coke tastes like home to me. 

Saturday night, Tim, Amy, Mina, and Clint (my bosses) popped in for an unexpected visit and brought me some dinner. The gifted meal tally so far = 4 + a coke - which totally counts.

On Sunday, Joey ( a fellow intern and awesome t-shirt artist) and I walked to church together. When we sat down in the lovely air conditioned room a video of 3 construction workers from the US singing How Great Thou Art started playing. My father often sings that hymn - so of course I started weeping at this little reminder of home. The church served us a delicious lunch of chicken and rice where I met a man from Pakistan and Wales - incredible. Joey and I committed to walking 45 minutes home in the rain and set off. 

Sunday evening, Tukta came to get me from my room so I could celebrate her birthday with her and her family. Of course she fed me dinner again and bought me another coke. We sang and laughed and I practiced the 5 thai words I knew while Ming helped us all understand one anther. Tukta asked me if I was homesick, and I told her that I missed the sound of my mother’s voice. She then told me she’d my by Thai mother. When offering me this gift, we had known one another for 2 days….2 days- such amazing generosity and hospitality. 

Monday morning I walked 2 miles to the Chao Phraya river. I sat on a covered dock with tourists who were waiting for a boat tour and read some Wendell Barry poetry. When I returned home, Tukta fed me lunch, then I “helped” Ming with the shop while Tukta went to buy supplies. When Tukta returned we ate fired rice with sausage and egg for dinner. If you’ve lost count of the free meals I’ve been given - it’s 7 - so far. At this point I’d been in the country for 4 days. 

Tuesday morning I took a Song-tau (a covered truck- bus/taxi thing) to the glorious Lumpini Park - with it’s air conditioned library and swan paddle boats. I’ve always loved libraries - they hold two of my favorite things - books and people. I spent the morning reading and then walked to meet Molly to register for Thai language school. While at school I used a western toilet and washed my hands in a sink for the first time since the airport!!!  I know you’re thinking - Gross - why’d she tell us that?!! - but this was a huge gift. I think I cried a little. 

Tuesday night, I had my favorite food for dinner - watermelon - which is always in season in Thailand. I packed my bags Tuesday night - because Wednesday morning I moved to the CLF center  - but not before Tukta gave me breakfast and her boyfriend, Loat and Molly helped me take my bags to the Taxi. 

I was given 10 meals in 5 days, 7 of those meals were from Tukta - this is not counting the many snacks she also gave me. My first 6 days in Bangkok were full of bits of magic - green trees, iced coffee, sweet fruit, and kind people who helped me kind my way. The view from my window was of the faded mint shutters of my neighbor’s house. Mint is my favorite color. The small things - the cokes, the song, the shutters, and shirt - were so grounding - during this week of wonder and chaos and rest. 

I was given a family - Tukta’s family - to ease my transition into this unfamiliar land. There’s so much beauty in sitting at a table with people while sharing a meal. Our differences are stripped away while we enjoy food and drink and one another, and laugh at our attempts to communicate. Anne Lamott says that laughter is carbonated holiness - and that’s what my first week in Bangkok felt full to brim of - bubbles of carbonated holiness. 

Jesus asks us to welcome the stranger, to befriend the sojourner, to feed the hungry, and open our homes to one another. This past week - I was the stranger, the foreigner, the hungry person and the one in need of a home - a family. I was offered and given so much - more than enough - a feast. During my first week in Bangkok - Tukta was Jesus to me. 

May we all welcome the stranger well - with kindness and food and laughter and family. 

Sweaty and Grateful, 

EM

Beginning, again

Here we are again, after...ahem... a 4 year break. In very early autumn, I'll board a Delta jet and fly to Bangkok, Thailand - where I'll spend the next year of my life working with Word Made Flesh's Creative Life Foundation. 

As I type these sentences, so many thoughts spring around in my mind - and drop to my stomach. A year - it feels life such a long time to not see the faces of my family and friends. To not celebrate and grieve with them in person, but then in the same breath it feels short, and doable, and exciting. A year to be, and grow, and learn; to be broken and healed in the sacred spaces where the poor live.

 It's so easy to type those words -but it will most certainly hold some of the hardest, best, messiest, and dearest moments of my life. 

This thing- this yearning - this desire to be in Asia in the this way - I've held it so closely. It's in me, in my bones. In so many ways I feel like I can't not do it. There were a few seasons over the past couple of years where I felt as if I couldn't even utter the hope of being in the South East, because it was too raw and too painful to speak the desire. 

I am so incredibly grateful for this internship - this next year. It's an honor to go - and to learn. I'm still at here - sitting in air conditioned kitchen - and I've already been invited to grow - to learn how to receive grace and generosity well. 

My hope for the next 8 weeks is that they are full-to-the-brim of joy and wonder with those I love. 

Thanks for reading these words. 

EM